Friday, January 9, 2009

Touching airplane entry doors in flight is a bad thing

This is a small rant/story about people who turn into morons at 35,000 feet. For this rant, I'm taking the role of the head of the cabin crew. To be clear to all of those nervous fliers and those prone to panic attacks, I am not targeting you. But to everyone else who acts stupid on a plane, listen up! Deciding to try and open the plane door when it is in flight can cause decompression to the cabin of the aircraft. It unduly scares the hell out of most passengers as they assume you can open the door completely. Generally, you can't do that but nobody wants to test that theory in real life. In theory there are several thousand pounds per square inch of outside pressure being exerted against that door which prevents it from opening however, it could cause a decompression as the air-tight seal may be broken. If this happens, the unflattering oxygen masks will deploy and you will look like you have a yellow rubber ducky on you face. The idiot who tried to open the door will force the flight crew to declare an emergency and will have to land at an airport. Said idiot will be taken off the aircraft and charged with a multitude of offenses depending on the jurisdiction. Most charges will be under the Federal system. I make the following disclaimer: I am not a lawyer.

Some of the Federal charges can include:
1. Interfering with the operation of an aircraft
2. Endangering the flight crew.
3. Sabotage of an aircraft.
4. Failure to obey safety instructions.
5. Criminal negligence.
6. Criminal negligence causing bodily harm.

Civil charges can include:
1. Fines totalling several thousand dollars by either Transport Canada or the Federal Aviation Administration in the U.S.
2. Be entered on a passenger 'no fly' blacklist.
3. Flagged by Airport Security as a nuisance passenger.
4. Several different corporate or individual lawsuits.

One of the lesser thought about consequences is doing something that stupid usually attracts media attention. So, people who do this will be caught on camera and replayed often on the news. You will certainly end up on YouTube and commented on by people like me who cover aviation as a hobby. Now, me being a blogger, this is great material for me. From an airline safety perspective, definitely not good. From a moral point of view, what the hell were you thinking. This is the last part of my rant. Contrary to popular belief, it isn't always males who do stupid things on an aircraft. In mid-2008, there was a case of two drunk British women who thought it would be a fun idea to try and open a door on their trans-Atlantic flight. Even when you're drunk, this is not fun. People, don't do it.

This is your captain speaking, thank you for flying the friendly skies. Keep them that way.